The mind of a madmaN

I've been doing the "The mind of a madmaN" for a very long time. I've just never published it or called it that. Usually done on paper, or napkin, or by telegram, I'm finally bringing it to the compu-screen. It's basically a confirmation of my insanity. This isn't a joke. You won't go "ha ha, He's pretending to be insane." This is real. I am actually crazy and have done this activity most of my life. It's like what teachers called "brainstorming" in the 4th grade, where everyone wrote down ideas for five minutes, got fed up, and just started writing their freakin' paper. I forget about the "getting fed up" part, though, and I just keep writing and writing until I am satisfied that I have proven not only nothing, but less than nothing. Enough explaining. Here's The mind of a madmaN.

It's 3 AM. Why am I still awake? Why am I still making an effort to gently pound the shift key to capitalize my mid-sentence I's? Because I am an insomniac. Not really though. That's just a condition someone named Jake or something made up years ago to make it seem like he was "too cool" to sleep. Later, other people expounded upon this fake condition by saying they were "workaholics" and "think clearest" at this time. Lies. Why did I just look up the word expounded in the dictionary? I knew how to spell it. I mean, how many ways are there to spell EX-POUND? It's ex and pound. An ant! ..flick.. Why did that ant just make a sound as it hit the wall? That seems counter-intuitive. I wonder if he exploded...or just broke a lot. Do ants have bones? Seems like a whole lot of mush if you ask me. I'll google it later. No I won't. I can't believe "Little House on the Prarie" is on at this time. I don't know why I just said that. It seems like a logical time slot. I can't imagine it being on at any other time of day. I hope no one is reading this far. Funny story though if you are- For the first time in my life, an aluminum can failed to open on me today. I activated the lever mechanism, and bam...didn't open. I had to screw driver it open as I can imagine them doing in the 40's or in the movie "Cast Away." I wonder how many cans I've opened successfully before. Maybe millions? Probably thousands. I bet we'll know the answers to these questions hundreds of years from now when we have robot helpers that follow us everywhere and keep statistics on our lives and then shout them out at awkward times like funerals just to spite us. in sweet robot voice..."Stole from Aunt Bolinda's purse...t-minus...46 times" Future robots would probably say "t-minus" in front of everything because I can see NASA going straight to robot production once their love affair with space is over. Seriously guys, give it up. How many trillion on looking at dusty rocks? Don't even tell me. I'm still bright eyed. Not so bushy-tailed though, mostly because I've always drawn an extreme level of confusion from merely the image, followed by the vomit-burp taste in my mouth. Is vomit-burp hyphenated? It might not even be a word. I should copywrite it like "Ben & Jerry's" does with everything. Come on dudes, let others use the phrase "Chocolate Fudge Brownie." This is getting out of hand. I've got to put a stop to this. It's Nazi-Crush time. Where's Hammer?