The Worldwide Debut of "The Top 7 List"

This man was recently spotted at the latest installment of NC State's annual Spring Football game. As David Letterman gives a "Top 10 List" that grows incredibly dry and therefore overcompensating in the arena of humor, I have stolen this idea, but have condensed it to a "Top 7" to account for the flaws in the original. Without further ado, I present "The Top 7 Things this Man is Thinking About While Viewing the NC State Spring Football Game"

"The Top 7 Things this Man is Thinking About While Viewing the NC State Spring Football Game"

7. Today, I'm going to go by "Jack." Tomorrow will be a new day.
6. My face is so symmetrical. Why does Chippendales keep declining my applications?
5. Go Buckeyes! I mean...Go Buck...I mean pack....go.
4. I miss Hammer pants.
3. I wonder if my hair insert at the brim of my hat is saying to the ladies, "It looks like I'm stuck in the 80's, but I'd like to be stuck on you."
2. Surely eligibility of certain players can be increased to, say, five years. I mean,...Chris Weinke played for like 8 years. Look, If OJ can get off... I LOVE YOU PHILLIIIIIIIIPP!!!
1. Dr. G is right. I do look like the product of Drew Carey's wild night of passion with the Kool-Aid Man.

Check Back soon for more Top 7's.