Rules for Waving at Strangers

There comes a time in all of our lives when we feel we must wave to people we do not know. This realization came to me today as I was driving down the road in my muscle car, a 2002 Dodge Neon. That's when, as I looked ahead, I saw another '02 Dodge Neon, of the same color: slate blue. Just then, the voice in my head alerted me that I should wave at this fellow when I passed. Not because I knew him, not because I was alerting him of a nearby cop, but because at some point in our lives, we had both made a conscious decision to buy the exact same car- a big feminine, but dependable, Neon. I don't know if others engage in this practice or not, but it's given me the opportunity to gage when and when it is not appropriate to wave at strangers.

Appropiate~Waving to babies.
Babies are the shallowest form of man. This is mostly by creation, not choice. Make sure you're not ugly though. Babies hate that crap.

Inappropriate~Waving to homeless people.
Waving to homeless people only encourages their addiction to alcohol and reminds them of the days when they were a big stock trader on the Wall Street floor and had to wave and signal to each other, only to have it all come to an end in 1999.

Appropriate~Waving to mascots, fictional characters, or guys in Uncle Sam suits on the side of the road advertising a local carwash for $5.50 an hour.
These people have it coming. Make sure your waves are sarcastic, and be sure to include lots of slurs. Nothing too bad though. Kids might be around. Kids are the future.

Inappropriate-Waving to midgets.
Contrary to what our minds might know and think to be true, midgets are not babies. They are grown-up babies. They might seem like they should be squeezed or cuddled, but this is not a good idea. Midgets can operate guns...and chainsaws

Appropriate~Waving to taxi drivers, auctioneers, Mexican road workers, and prostitutes.
This is a part of their job. Without your waves,...they are nothing.

Inappropriate-Waving to blind men.
Don't wave, not because they're blind, but because you're not blind.

Appropriate-Waving to monkeys.
*See waving to babies

Inappropriate-Waving to fish.
Don't get me started about people that wave to fish. Dolphins are included in this category. They don't understand what you're doing. You're not "getting on their good side" by waving. So stop it, slick.


Whether or not it is appropriate to wave at people that drive the same car as us, we'll probably never know. Try it out sometime though, and feel the rush. You'll thank me later, or not...whichever.