Mo!, Mo!, Where did you go?

Dear Mo',
I'm a loving fan who has read and laughed with you for years. I remember the time when liberals tried to get their way with you, and you said "No, Liberals!" then drop kicked them in the face. I remember the time when you bought a monkey and tried to raise it as a young child that wore small pants, when in only a week later, it ripped your cheek off in your sleep. I didn't even think that was anatomically possible, but it really happened Mo'. This leads to my point~ WHERE THE F HAVE YOU BEEN?! Every other week, I click my 'Favorites' tab and scroll down to "There's a Frog Stuck to my Nose," only to find that article about the Top 10 Best Things. I mean...that thing is fricking hilarious, but I've read it like 11 times. I need more! I hope you didn't die or something. Please respond.

Yours Truly,
Ashley Ballstein

Dear Ashley,
I approach this response with a comma (,) following your name rather than the business-like colon (:) because that's what I'm all about, Ash: fun, good times, and happy people. But you don't seem happy right now Ashley, so let's address that. It's true that I haven't written an article since September 20, 2004, over three months ago. It is also true that I have promised many people that a new article would be posted as early as November. This, unfortunately, was a flat out lie. Actually, it wasn't really a lie. It was a case where I believed there to be weapons of mass destruction, had evidence of weapons of mass destruction, and had every intention of finding weapons of mass destruction, but in the end, no WMDs. To justify, Ashley, college has been a tough and grinding road. I will continue to post blogs, but not in a steady bi- or tri-weekly fashion until the summer of '05. Until then, you can read sites like The Best Page in the Universe. This fellow really is one of the best around. Take care my friend and stay tuned because the "lied-about" blog is still on my drawing board and will be coming soon. I'll see you around.

Sincerely,
Mo' W Shmo